May 19, 2011

Inadequacy

I debated on posting this, but Life with the Gemelos convinced me!  Thank you!

I need to pour out some good ole emotion for a minute.   This post is not well thought out, and it is probably going to be all over the place.  Good luck.

Strongblonde, Thank you for the award! I will pass that along shortly!

Lost in Space, google IS eating things.  I saw your comment and then it was gone!!  Dammit!  Thank you for leaving another one.  :) 

St. Elsewhere, when I read the words on a previous comment, "I would have gone back to jar food too."  I cried.  Not kidding.  Thank you for saying such a thing!  :)


Since being home, I have feelings of severe inadequacy.  From the time I get the girls up in the morning to the time they go to bed.   I feel like I am always disappointing one of them.  Who do I pick up first in the morning to change diapers?  The other one will always cry.  A "how could you" cry.  Who's shoes do I put on first?  Who do I take out of their car seat first?  And on and on.  It seems like every decision of every day leads to one or the other baby being upset at me. 

Sure, it only lasts a few minutes, even a few seconds.  But after all day?  I am exhausted and inadequate and an overall terrible mommy.  At least that is what I feel. 

It feels like there is never a peaceful moment between the three of us.  My mother in law, who just had a vacation, told me about a little boy younger than the girls who was on the plane with them that was perfectly content for the three and a half hour trip.  My immediate response was, "They are so LUCKY!"  I feel jealous of people who have content children, as it seems like if one of mine is content, the other surely is not. 

And then, after the whole table food incident last week?  I was at my limit.  I desperately needed to hear reassurance, that I never got.  Not even from Jeff.  He eluded to the fact that "I jumped in with both feet and that never works."  Oh.  Thanks for the tip.  And so, this week, I am super gun shy as I am preparing to go wake the girls up for the day.

So, off I go.

UPDATE:  I feel mucho, mucho better.  Life with the Gemelos, you are right, and I appreciate your comment.  We are on a better schedule this week and it has been a good week. 

3 comments:

strongblonde said...

for the record: we still supplement with jarred food every now and again. and there will always be some kid that is smarter, calmer, prettier, whatever than our kids. and you know what? who gives a shit. no one knows how to be a better parent to your kids than YOU. and who knows. maybe that kid on the plane was drugged? maybe he was afraid to interact with his parents or something. at any rate...who cares?? you're a great mom. yes, it's more challenging with two kids, but i think that it's rewarding, too :)

Emily said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog, and for supporting me in my rant about leashes!

I totally know the feeling. I used to obsess about making everything all fair and equal, but all that went out the window the day they came home from the hospital and I realized that wasn't practical. I have a pretty matter-of-fact approach now, and don't let the crying get to me as much. It's really hard sometimes, when they need me all at the same time, but soon enough, all has blown over, and I can go smooch the one that was a bit neglected at that moment.

I'm amazed at your patience and that you're still sane after reading your Drama series. You must be one strong woman.

St Elsewhere said...

If you had one child rather than two, life would be easier, because only one kid would be demanding your attention all the time. But currently, the fact that you have two and they are of the same age with the same needs, you will have to make choices.

Do not be hard on yourself. And make the twins tell you....

Okay M, who will wear the shoes first today? Keep it on a shifting basis, let the twins decide. But I do not think this is practical for all situations, so you will have to stay sane and do whatever is to be done.

Take Care!