April 15, 2011

Drama: A history. Part 1

The first seven years of marriage, in relation to in-laws and my parents, were blissful.  Jeff and I were going to school and working graveyard and didn't have time for much else.  There were many, many times when Jeff and I wouldn't even see each other, much less would we make time to visit family.  I may have talked to my mom once a week.

My parents favor my sister tremendously.  I mean, they will bankrupt themselves, and pretty much have, so that my sister gets what she wants.  When I came to work for my dad, my BIL had been the foreman for 3 years already.  This is when the drama began, really, when I came to work for my dad. 

I took quite a hit in pay (12% actually.  Which is huge.)   I lost 4 paid weeks of vacation.  I lost medical/dental/401K/life insurance benefits.  And, in comparison to BIL, I was making less than he was.  Yet, I had the degree and 5 years experience in management.  They didn't even attempt to make it equal.  Not to mention the fact that I had asked my dad for a job years ago, but he said to go get my degree and experience first and then he would hire me.  BIL didn't have a degree.  He didn't have experience.  My sister whined enough, though. 

BUT, my dad was ill, so that's how it went down.  I did get a company car after a couple of months because I was the estimator at the time.  I got my gas paid for.  At the same time, my dad got deathly (he almost died twice within a couple of months) ill and I was tasked with running the company only a few short months after I started.  Plus, making the two hour trip, one way, to the hospital every.single.day.  PS-the following year, our profits skyrocketed and was the highest profit year in 32 years.    

There were a couple of dramatic years of getting to know my dad and family again.  I remember thinking this very thought when I started working with dad, "I wonder why they are so negative all the time.  I will never be that negative.  Such drama all the time."  I mean, I can honestly remember where I was standing (in my kitchen) and what I was looking at (the cabinet by the sink) when I had that very thought.  My mistake, obviously, was to say, "I will never..."

There is always drama.  And it resets daily.  So, one day, everyone is all caught up in how my sister is going to pay her bills because it's the 'off' season and BIL didn't get 40 hours.   At midnight, the drama resets and the next day it's drama to do with my cousin and how his glamour wife is walking all over him.  Midnight = reset.  The next day it's drama to do with my mom and how the nail lady offended her in some way.  And so on.  It wore thin. fast. 

Then, Jeff and I decided to start TTC.  This opened a whole new world of drama.  I mean, I couldn't even visit the RE without them wanting to know every.last.detail.  They wanted to know when AF came.  How heavy it was.  When it stopped.  What were my estrogen/progesterone levels.  How many follicles do I have.  And so on.  It was exhausting.  It was a nightmare.  The last IVF, I cut it all off.  I told them out right that I was going to keep the details to myself.  And of course, this caused a family uproar.  How would my great Aunt in Kansas live without knowing every detail?? Well, she lived, but I got plenty of guilt and grief laid on as a result of my silence.

And it only got worse as time went on.  By the time I got pregnant, between the fear caused by infertility and the all drama, I never enjoyed it.  In fact, I hated being pregnant.  By 18 weeks, I was on bedrest and the drama got moved from work to home.

.... To be continued.


Amanda said...

OMG, they wanted to know when your period was and how heavy? Ultrasound wands are less invasive.

My parents definitely have double standards when it comes to giving their kids money. I try not to dwell on it, and it's their money to give, but it seems like favoritism to me.

strongblonde said...

omg! you know i've been dying for your story. :)

my parents really favor my middle sister, too. my youngest sister and i are vacationing right now together and we were just talking about it. it's crazy. she can do no wrong. they let her come and move in with them. they co-signed for cars. they got her kids nintendo DS's and my kids got a onsie! it's just crazy.

....i wonder if i will ever be that way? i'm so anal about being "fair" with the kids. i try not to take more pictures of one kid than the other. i try to spend quality time with each one daily, etc.

are you going to do a MIL post, too? ;)

St Elsewhere said...

Well, it looks like you have been treading through a Mahabharat of yourself.

I am sorry...but I think what is about to come in the next part of the post will be the 'peak'. Jeeezus.

Post-wedding, I used to work with DH. Some changes later, I quit and went to work in different organizations, but I am so glad I did because it changed our relationship for the better in quite a way.

It applies I guess when the family is involved in running the business.

You did good by deciding to limit the information you pass on. It is the right thing for sanity sake at least.

mybumpyjourney said...

ack. why must some families be like this? You don't seem like this at ALL!