September 17, 2010

Severe Thunderstorm Warning (and a possible over-use of parenthesis) (and a possible over-use of quotes)

I had a breakdown the night before last.  I think it was hormone (pronounced hormon-IE in my head, just so you know) induced.  Now, this post will probably contain too much info, so read at your own risk.  :) 

I suffer from PCOS.  (imagine me standing up in front of a class of people, admitting a deep, dark secret).  I have PCOS and it affects me.  There I said it-what a relief.  I can move on with my life.  HA.  I wish it were that easy.  People always told me that after I had children that my hormones (pronounced hormon-IES) would "change."  That my cycle would straighten up and that my "woman-ness" would take over and all would be right within my vajayjay world.  They lied. 

I think my seas are rougher now than before!  For years before we decided to have children, I took the BCP (total waste of money, btw) and my cycle was flawless.  AF only lasted 4 days.. TOPS.  Mood swings were non-existent.  Cramping-what's that?  Weight gain-PFT.  NOT ME!  Total bliss. 

When we decided to try to have kids, I remember going off the BCP and we were so excited and so sure we were "making a baby."  Tahuh.  Anyway, I went 8 months without a cycle waiting for my body to level out.  Turns out my body wasn't going to level out and we needed medical intervention.

Fast forward to October, 2009.  This is where it gets a bit "wow-that-was-too-much-info-didn't-need-to-know-that-about-her"...  After giving birth, I thought the faucet was never going to turn off!  I went for three months!  And during that time, I was depressed (postpartum).  I had mood swings.  I was achy.  My body was weak. (Couldn't have anything to do with the fact that I pushed two kids out, right??)  Now, I know that I am not the only woman that this has ever happened to, but for me, it was WAY out of the norm and I didn't know what to do.  I didn't know how to act.  I couldn't function without bursting into sob sessions. 

So by the time my "yearly" came around in April, I was doing pretty good.  I hadn't had a cycle since the postpartum oil spill, but had gotten over most some of my depression and mood swings.   My OB put me on straight progesterone 4 times a year.  Since, I am healthy and have never had an abnormal pap, and all that jizjazz, I only need to have a cycle every 3 months to prevent "build up."  Yeah, I know-I paint a pretty picture. 

I procrastinated until about June before taking the first round and guess what?!  My body started on it's own! No need for progesterone.  So I thought, "okay, if another cycle doesn't show up by September, I will take my ten days worth of progesterone, have a cycle and be done till the new year." 

That's what I did (can you tell, I am queen of making a short story long...? I am.  I just don't generally have the patience to type it all out.  I don't know why today is different.)  Anyway.  By the third day (which = a whopping 30 mg of progesterone, btw.  Nothing to write home about.), I was nauseous, I felt like getting sick, I had the trots, I was a mess... It was like... like... I was pregnant!  Do you get the connection?  Apparently my body is so screwy and has such a deficiency of progesterone and estrogen (balances out the progesterone) because of the PCOS, that when it got a little bit of it, my body assumed I was preggo again.  WELL FUNK THAT.  I am not going to feel like that every three months!  So I stopped after three pills.  Mind you-I am supposed to take 10.. I took 30% is all. 

By the next day, which was Sunday, I felt a whole lot better.  Feeling like all is normal again.  And Monday-AF showed up.  So, even though I didn't take the proper dose, it was fine.  But wait! There's more.  Then, on Wednesday, I had a breakdown.  I swear, it was postpartum all over again. I sobbed because ... because ... I DON'T KNOW WHY!  Don't ask me those questions! 

I was moody.  I snapped anyone's head off that even looked at me wrong.  I was achy.  I was sad.  So sad.  And about what?  Nothing.  That day, I had test drove a new car, I had a great dinner with my family.  I was sitting in my hot tub having a soak before bed and was balling my eyes out.  WTF? 
I can tell you one thing-I am not going to take progesterone ANYMORE.  I will take the pill for a month to kick start a cycle before I will do this again.  I just can't handle it.  For you women that endure this kind of emotional/physical storm-my hats off to you.  In fact, I raise my wine glass to you.  *clink*


strongblonde said...

good grief. :( you're so sensitive to progesterone. seriously do you NEED to have a period ever? i'm sure some people probably go without them, you know?

i'm having a drink with you tonight as i prepare for my babes 1st birthday party tomorrow. there will be too many people here, i won't be able to watch the game, and all i really want to do is relax with my family!!


~Hollie said...

Yeah, you could have written my story. I was STOOPID to think that after having a kid, my body would miraculously DO what its supposed to do. BWHAAAAA!! not so much.
I had the great flood for about the same amount of time after birth. Then went about 80 days without a thing, then HORRIBLE. Now, I've had 2 visits that have been ~34 days apart. So decent... but symptoms are WORSE than before.
PCOS Sucks! Big time. Hope you can get some relief. Thought about that seasonal BCP/Patch?

Amanda said...

I hope things aren't worse than before when I get back around to that stuff again. I promised myself that I'm not going to worry about that stuff until M's a year old. But I have heard that pregnancy changes how your body handles a lot of things (alcohol for one). I've pretty much resolved that I'm not taking BCPs again (since I found out I have MTHFR, it's not such a good idea for me) so I hope that progesterone doesn't come back to bother me.