June 3, 2010

None the Wiser.

We went to the GI on Tuesday. We are none the wiser.

(What if I just left it at that? What if that was the end of my post? haha! I wouldn't do that to my two readers.) :)

We have a procedure scheduled for the 16th. My very nice and gets along tremendously with the girls GI is going to do a upper endoscopy on both the girls. He says that at their age the reflux should be getting better and the fact that they are taking prevacid and zantac and it's getting worse is "concerning." It might be damage to the esophagus. It might be a rare, but serious condition. It might be an allergy. It might be absolutely nothing and I imagine all the crying and discomfort. It might be severe acid reflux. He was very careful not to point us one way or the other.

If he finds absolutely nothing during the endoscopy, he will then do a pH probe study. The girls will have to be observed/monitored at the hospital for 18-24 hours with a tube down their throat that is measuring and documenting acid levels. This is scheduled on the 16th as well, if it is needed.

So that's what is happening with the girls. Can I vent about the happenings in my brain now? I know that I brushed off the whole acid reflux thing in the last post, but it is running our lives right now. SO, stop reading to avoid a colorful bitchfest... with a couple f-bombs.

First, I waited for that appointment for three weeks only to pay $100 copay and have to wait another two weeks for a possible answer. I feel like I was treading water before and now someone (the acid reflux devil) has just dunked me and held my head under for a few minutes. I have to tell myself everyday, "only another two weeks. Then we can have a reason that the girls are having a hard time. Then we can fix it."

Second, I am tired of everyone telling me how great they are doing.. That's why I brushed off the acid reflux in the last post. I KNOW THEY ARE THE BEST THINGS THAT HAVE EVERY HAPPENED TO ME. Believe me, I know that they are absolutely wonderful, but for me, the person who has to spend 24 hours a day with them: THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG. Why don't people believe me that it is NOT normal for a baby to cry for an hour to an hour and a half after eating solid food? Sometimes longer. I feed them every three hours. There is little time for not crying. For the person that comes over for a couple of hours and sees a fussy baby for a little bit and then goes home, they think there is nothing wrong and "that's just what babies do." "it's really not that bad." OK. Fuck off. You don't spend hours rocking them when they are so tired and can't fall asleep because of ... of ... we don't know yet. You don't spend hours in the car driving around because that is the only thing that soothes them when you are to the point where you can't handle another crying episode.

I am tired of everyone treating me as if I am going to send my babies to the butcher. "How can you subject them to this procedure?" "There are so many risks with anesthesia, can't they do something different?" Don't you think I don't know this?? For crying out loud (literally) do you think I WANT to have them stay a day or two in the hospital getting probed??? Fuck no, I don't.

Anywho, there is so much still spinning in my head, that I can't put it into words. Two weeks until d-day. OH-btw, they can't have prevacid or zantac two full days before the procedure. They can't eat anything 8 hours before hand either. Poor things. This is killing me.


PJ said...

Ugh, bless your heart. I'm sure you have to be going through it all to fully understand the frustration.

I hope that they find something that is easy to fix, and quick to fix!

Amanda said...

I'm so sorry that they have to go through this. And I don't think you are crazy or awful for trying to HELP them. Of course you don't want to have to do it, but having TWO children that are miserable all the time is not good for anyone, and you are doing the right thing.

I just found out that my son will probably have to have surgery when he is about 1 year old. The dr said it's a good time to do it because the risks from anesthesia are less and he won't remember it... he won't remember it, but I'm sure I will and feel terrible for it starting now and ending when he's 35 or something. I'm sure these procedures will be harder on you than them.

I really hope that the endoscopy yields some results and you can stop there.

Oh, and if it helps, I've had an endoscopy and it was a nothing for me. I'm sure it will be different for the girls since they are babies, but they actually didn't use full anesthesia for me and I woke up with a sore throat and had some gas from the air they pumped me full of. Hopefully it will be no worse than that for them too.

~Hollie said...

Okay, here's my 2cents. These are your children, your heart and soul. They are ultimately the responsibility of you and your hubby. YOU DO WHAT YOU THINK IS BEST FOR THEM, not what is best for anyone else or anyone else's feelings. I totally understand the need to have an answer to this problem. It is concerning that they are 8 months old(I know this cuz our kids were born on the same day!) and still having these type issues. You are trying to do the best that you can, screw everyone else. Everyone told me that "something was wrong" "thats not normal" with our kid. Well, come to find out, it was NORMAL! So we had just the opposite problem from you, ;o)Bottom line, you've got to get some answers as to the reason for their discomfort. Going through hours of crying after eating, etc is not allowing the girls to have an enjoyable life, not to mention the havoc it is probably heaped upon you. Okay, I'll shuttup now!