June 9, 2010

Update and some Changes

The girls finally did their scope. The GI found nothing. Everything looked normal. We proceeded to do a pH probe study. They did wonderfully given the situation (tube down their throat monitoring the pH overnight.) We go to the GI this next Monday to see what the results of that test are, plus the biopsy results and lab work. The girls still can't tolerate solid food. I feed them anything other than 2 teaspoons of pears to take their prevacid and they scream for hours. We are maintaining our sanity on Enfamil AR. They are gaining weight and we are hanging in there until we get some answers from the GI.

In the mean time, there are several changes that are happening in my life. I guess the first is that I have come back to work (which will give me more time to blog!) I am able to bring the girls with me, so it is the best of both worlds. I have a nursery, playroom, and "kitchen" set up so that I just load them up and come to work. I get to work as little or as many hours as I want. These are the perks of working for family. :)

Second and biggest change may be in the making. My marriage is going down the shitter real fast. I blame infertility mostly. Even though we have kids now, we lost who each other was on our journey to doing so.

... (long pause).... That's it I guess. I would elaborate more on my failing marriage, but just don't have the energy right now. Maybe later.

June 3, 2010

None the Wiser.

We went to the GI on Tuesday. We are none the wiser.

(What if I just left it at that? What if that was the end of my post? haha! I wouldn't do that to my two readers.) :)

We have a procedure scheduled for the 16th. My very nice and gets along tremendously with the girls GI is going to do a upper endoscopy on both the girls. He says that at their age the reflux should be getting better and the fact that they are taking prevacid and zantac and it's getting worse is "concerning." It might be damage to the esophagus. It might be a rare, but serious condition. It might be an allergy. It might be absolutely nothing and I imagine all the crying and discomfort. It might be severe acid reflux. He was very careful not to point us one way or the other.

If he finds absolutely nothing during the endoscopy, he will then do a pH probe study. The girls will have to be observed/monitored at the hospital for 18-24 hours with a tube down their throat that is measuring and documenting acid levels. This is scheduled on the 16th as well, if it is needed.

So that's what is happening with the girls. Can I vent about the happenings in my brain now? I know that I brushed off the whole acid reflux thing in the last post, but it is running our lives right now. SO, stop reading to avoid a colorful bitchfest... with a couple f-bombs.

First, I waited for that appointment for three weeks only to pay $100 copay and have to wait another two weeks for a possible answer. I feel like I was treading water before and now someone (the acid reflux devil) has just dunked me and held my head under for a few minutes. I have to tell myself everyday, "only another two weeks. Then we can have a reason that the girls are having a hard time. Then we can fix it."

Second, I am tired of everyone telling me how great they are doing.. That's why I brushed off the acid reflux in the last post. I KNOW THEY ARE THE BEST THINGS THAT HAVE EVERY HAPPENED TO ME. Believe me, I know that they are absolutely wonderful, but for me, the person who has to spend 24 hours a day with them: THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG. Why don't people believe me that it is NOT normal for a baby to cry for an hour to an hour and a half after eating solid food? Sometimes longer. I feed them every three hours. There is little time for not crying. For the person that comes over for a couple of hours and sees a fussy baby for a little bit and then goes home, they think there is nothing wrong and "that's just what babies do." "it's really not that bad." OK. Fuck off. You don't spend hours rocking them when they are so tired and can't fall asleep because of ... of ... we don't know yet. You don't spend hours in the car driving around because that is the only thing that soothes them when you are to the point where you can't handle another crying episode.

I am tired of everyone treating me as if I am going to send my babies to the butcher. "How can you subject them to this procedure?" "There are so many risks with anesthesia, can't they do something different?" Don't you think I don't know this?? For crying out loud (literally) do you think I WANT to have them stay a day or two in the hospital getting probed??? Fuck no, I don't.

Anywho, there is so much still spinning in my head, that I can't put it into words. Two weeks until d-day. OH-btw, they can't have prevacid or zantac two full days before the procedure. They can't eat anything 8 hours before hand either. Poor things. This is killing me.