November 10, 2009

A Routine

Well, today is a better start than yesterday. I never thought that it would be so hard to take care of a baby. I knew it would be challenging. I knew there would be difficult times and I knew that I would really have to put my mind to it. I did not know that it would be day in and day out the most difficult thing I have ever done. Now, multiply by two.

I love the babies more than I can even say, but I am doubting my mothering skills. Everyone says that I am doing a good job, but I honestly don't think so. It is so hard to put into words what I am thinking... For the most part, I think "yeah, I can do this. Feed the babies, do some laundry, clean the house a bit. I CAN DO THIS." But then, when it takes over an hour to feed one of them because she threw up (not spit up... threw up her entire meal and I have to start over), or when both of them are screaming at the same time, or when one of them is 'stopped up' and has a tummy ache. These are the times that I want to run away screaming. These are the times that I want to go back to work and pay a babysitter to watch them.

The babies were in the NICU for 8 days. In that 8 days, the wonderful nurses got them on a schedule. A routine. They fed them every three hours. So, when we brought the babies home, it wasn't as big of a challenge as it could have been because they were already on a schedule. We kept the schedule and for the first week, I thought "this is not so bad. Eat, sleep, change diaper. Repeat." But then somewhere we started to go a little longer. We started to feed every 3 and a half or 4 hours and they babies are eating a little more. Well, this seems to be a very slippery surface. Now, we have all sorts of variables that are being thrown in the mix and in one swift motion the whole schedule can be thrown off. For example, one of them decides that 4 hours is too long to wait and starts screaming at 3 hours. The other one is dead asleep. I have to decide: Do I TRY to comfort the early waker and do nothing but rock and hold and put the pacifier back in her mouth every two seconds because she spits it out and starts crying and make her wait until the 4 hour mark. OR do I feed her and let the other one sleep. Get her comforted and put her back to bed and then feed the next one and then WHAM! the feeding schedule is now an hour off from baby to baby and suddenly, I have a half hour to an hour in between feeding either one baby or the other.

Anyway, that is one of the dilemmas that I am dealing with on a daily basis. It is almost essential that I have someone here helping me feed. So this morning, as I said, has been better. Hubby and I got up, got showered, ate, and fed the babies before he needed to be at work at 7. I guess that is pretty good. When I type it out, it sounds like we are kicking ass. My mom will be here for the next feeding. So, hopefully it will be a better day.


PJ said...

Oh honey, that's got to be hard. I can't even imagine. I'm sure every new mom, especially of twins, struggles with things like that. I'm sure it's also exhausting.

Many hugs

mybumpyjourney said...

Aw, Chelle! I am so sorry! I wish I was there to clean up to puke for you. I don't have anywords of wisdom for you...just that I am going to be thinking of you guys(girls). Cry when you need to, blog when you need to (if you can!), know that we are out here cheering you on. :)

Teresa said...
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Teresa said...

Yay! I'm so glad to hear from you. Your girls are so beautiful! You will get thru all of this. I don't really remember the first 6 months of the twins life. Sad I know but it's so much work. You can't let one cry it out because then the other one wakes up screaming even louder. It'll get easier and easier every day. And you'll look like such a bad ass mom when you're carrying 2 carseats, your purse, a huge diaper bag and groceries all at once. Who's super mom now? haha